365 LESSONS 2020 HAS TAUGHT ME | Abiodun Lambaba

 

To say that 2020 was not a difficult year would be an understatement. When your New Year begins with being abruptly displaced from your home without warning and ends with the loss of a loved one, well words are sorta hard to find. I’m still learning how to drown myself in gratitude at whatever life brings my way. I might not be fully comprehend, but I surrender my confusion to God. I’m always high on humility, for I know enough to know that I know nothing. 

I spent the last three month of 2019 helping my mom stay alive. I cannot write much beyond that now – it's still fresh and unreal in my memory. I’m still settling into the reality of her being gone and spending the whole of 2020 without her. I’m still struggling to figure out who I am without her in my life and what next. Most of all I am missing the woman I called MOM. While I was in the hospital with my mom, I was busy working on my new brand (SilentSound Magazine) which primary aim is to bring the voice of the unheard or unseen to the screen. Mama health didn’t stopped me from taking a bigger step; mama health didn’t stop me from wearing a trouser twice bigger than my age, she was even happy about the project when I told her and she did blessed me with prayers.

Whatever you strongly believe will work for you, please continue doing it with all thy might.

Sometimes, we seem not to be getting the right support from people we love. Sometimes it seems like they don’t even care about what we do or like and just imposes their own interests on us. The fact still remains that they do these out of love and care but we often misunderstand since their actions don’t go in line with our plans. All we need to do in these situations is make them understand us politely and let them reason along with you. Don’t just start seeing the bad sides of them. Moreover, you might just be wrong and they have perceived the result from this moment.

While I was working on how we are going to publish our first poetry anthology which is going to feature the works of 25 different poets from different state, tribes and university in Nigeria, I seek for the support and help from some of my friends, many pledge to support wherever I need their help but only few fulfill their promises.

In the garden of flowers the most beautiful one was picked by God and taken away. 

I said goodbye to mom on the morning of January 22, 2020 when so much was left unsaid. I have cried so many tears, I lost myself as thoughts of suicide has crossed my mind so many times that I have lost count, but whenever I try to accomplish the thoughts I just remember her saying “God’s timing is the unquestionable in him, my  son, you should always seek refuge, for he will never abandon you”. Writing has become my counselor, my friend and dumping pad. Each time I buried my head and tears running down my face, many called it attention-seeking but the pain do not seem to wash away. When I speak to others they just don’t get it. Maybe because they haven’t gone through half of what have I went through. They judge me even if they don’t mean it.

When my mom died, I saw my life took a massive turn of events. My mom death taught me something. That when a man dies, it gives opportunity for another man to come forth. This way, the earth renews itself and keeps right on going. Mama’s death was the beginning of a learning curve for me. Mama death brought me closer to my dad, my friends and my family.

…..for no two Korean love movies are the same.

One of the hardest things to deal with after a recent breakup is seeing the constant reminders of your past relationship. The inquiries from your friends are all abusive that open up old wounds, making it difficult to focus on the process of healing.

This is one of the things 2020 has taught me. It was a fairly difficult ordeal to try to return to normalcy, since this has been my first relationship to date. In my previous relationships, I always felt bitter and angry post-breakup. In a way, I felt like I was scammed; like someone knowingly wasted my time, someone knowingly took something significant and important away from me.

This is the time I decided not to let the breakup get the better of me and tried to approach the situation in a different light. I learned that the anger and bitterness that comes after breakup is a choice, not an outcome. It's really a matter of where you focus your energy during the breakup that determines how you come out of it.

Things happen in the course of our lives, no matter how grounded and in alignment we are…it's part of evolution, growth, development and the becoming of our species and crystallization of the soul.

Over the year, I have grown and learn a lot. And in all these days of living, I remember Mama’s same words that no man has ever been immune to challenges. All through the year, I have waltzed through the storm unshaken and here I am, still learning. Still weathering the storm.

Dear readers, Please Let the pain, the storms do what they came to do for they too come from Source/God as a gift to us like the warmth of the Sun, even when we don’t understand why, trust that all things work together for our benefit and enlightenment. 

Rivers of thought swallow me not, for I know enough to know that I know nothing. When next you see me, please don’t remind me of how strong have grown.

Thanks for reading and Happy New Year in advance 😍❤😍.